My son is 3 months old today. Today is the last day of my fourth trimester and could be seen as the end of my postpartum journey. But for me, it’s just the beginning.
Kai is my second child and I have really been working on living in the present this time around. I felt like last time I was rushing to every milestone and always focusing on the fact that I was tired, exhausted, and completely behind in every aspect of my life. Before I gave birth to Kai, I always joked about the first months being a black hole because honestly that is how I remember them. Not something I am “proud” of but it’s the real truth. I was the epitomy of a *hot mess.* #truestory
Now, as a mom of two, I feel more confident. Not only am I raising my two babies, I am running my own business and of course trying living in the moment with my family. Not to mention keep up with life in general and of course trying to heal my body after another amazing pregnancy and birth.
And while my heath and fitness are definitely a priority, I am not so focused on “getting my body back.” Right now, my first priority is not my abs. In fact, my abs are never really on my list mainly because I would rather focus my efforts elsewhere.
I go to the gym regularly, workout at home if I can’t go, walk daily, and eat relatively healthy. I am not on a “diet” but I would say my daily consumption of food is at about 70% effort. That’s enough for me right now especially while I am exclusively breastfeeding. I learned the hard way last time.
This may sound rather shocking. It’s rare to hear a mom NOT talk about her post baby body or stress about fitting into her “pre baby” jeans.
You scroll through social media nowadays and see moms flaunting their abs and post babies bodies after six weeks. I am sure if I had abs to show I would get alot of traction too. Some might say #fitmominspiration and other may say otherwise.
But at the end of the day, does the amount of visible abs have anything to do with the post baby body? Does it mean I am better or worse for not having them?
After I had my daughter I drove myself crazy. I would frantically search for pants that fit, continue to try on pants that wouldn’t go past my hips, cry when they didn’t button and shame myself for not getting *there* fast enough.
I would stand in front of the mirror and cry because my body was unrecognizable.
And while I drove myself crazy I didn’t get anywhere faster because of it. In fact, at the time of this picture I was stressed. I was miserable because I was exercising *alot*, trying to track and then reduce my calories, trying to portion and weigh my food (who has time for that?!) and feeling defeated. I was in such a *rush* to get to a place I thought I needed to be.
My process only started when I let go. When I stopped trying to control the outcome, my body started to change.
The process was slow. But this time, it is even slower.
I am OK with where I am. Right now, I am OK with my body as it is at 3 months postpartum. This may be the end to my fourth trimester but as far as my postpartum journey, that is just beginning. I still have yet to do a plank or a crunch.
On this day:
I have no idea what I weigh but I can tell you that not much has changed in the past couple of months.
My stomach is still layered with loose skin.
My hips are wider than normal.
I can barely contract my abs.
I still have a separation.
I am holding onto more body fat than I am used to because of nursing.
My chest is enormous 🙂
But instead of focusing on how slow I am going I am choosing to see myself right now as I am. Not where I should be but right now.
I see a mom who is doing her best but more importantly a mom who likes what she sees. Sure I would like to be learner but I am ok right now.
Quite a difference from two years ago.
I am choosing to show up AS IS and not try to hide the fact that I just had a baby.
I will get where I want to be in time. No rush and zero need for extra urgency and added stress into my life. Been there, done that.
Instead of focusing my energy on “getting my body back,” I am focusing it elsewhere. It’s all a choice, isn’t it?
Does the extra skin on my stomach have any effect over my ability to be a damn good mom? Absolutely not.
I trust that I will get where I want to be because over the years I have learned alot about trusting the process. For years I fought head to head with it. I deprived myself, I obsessed over every number, I exercised excessively only to find myself frustrated and defeated.
Not worth it. I was not any better of a person because of how I looked on the outside. In fact, I was pretty effing miserable.
It wasn’t until I trusted the process that I got to this place of a lifestyle. This place of moderation and this place of acceptance and grace. It surely did not happen in 6 weeks or 3 months so why would I expect that it would this time?
Whether you have just had a baby or your “baby” is in college, there is something to be said about the process. There is even more to be said about the trust that goes along with the acceptance of it.
Here are a few things that happen from trusting the process:
You cannot hate yourself into leaness. No amount of self hate talk can do it.
You embrace the journey for what it is.
Slower often translates into sustainable.
The process is where you learn.
You actually start to look forward to the daily “setbacks” as they teach you so much about yourself.
You quit judging yourself for not being where you *should* and just accept that you are doing your best.
You face your struggles. Head on.
You show up AS IS and don’t give a shit what everyone else thinks. You stop apologizing and accept the REAL you.
You give yourself grace. You practice giving yourself grace about your body and about life.
You understand that your journey is 100% yours. There is nothing “magic” about it. You do you.
Think on this. Could you let go of the *shoulds* and show up right now as you are 100% ok with it? Could you get away from hiding the fact that you just had a baby and just be OK with your body right now? Could you trust that the process is part of the journey?
Wherever you are, know this. There is NO SUCH THING as a postpartum body. Your journey is 100% yours and even if you have had multiple births, each postpartum journey is going to be different just as our kids are born with different personalities.
Honor, respect and give yourself grace. Trust yourself and more importantly, trust your body.
Download my FREE Healthy Mom Handbook HERE where I give you a workout, a meal guide and my top 10 tips for getting started right now.